The Fog

Some mornings here in beautiful College Station, TX are filled with the densest fog you have ever seen…or at least I have ever seen. Well yesterday was one of those days and as I was driving to work the lights were visible at about 50 feet and all other structures, cars, buildings at about 25 feet. AND it got me to thinking…


After checking my speedometer, I realized I wasn’t slowing down and I wasn’t even the slightest bit timid, like I am when I am driving in the rain. Why not? Because even though I couldn’t see 100 feet in front of me, I knew that the lights would be visible in time. I knew I would see taillights, headlights or traffic lights that would indicate the need to stop or slow down. I knew what traffic light came next, and I knew I would have enough time to stop if it was red. So while I am in a complete fog in life, I have to remember that every other foggy period I have walked through has been made clear in time. I am a true believer in reflecting and learning from trials so I know that in trials past, God has always opened the doors and revealed His next step in His time. I also remember that there were days or weeks when all I saw was fog with no lights. So right now, all I see is fog, but I have been in the fog before and I know that in God’s time there will be lights, and things will be made clear. Is 26:3: You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in You.

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Comfort Food

It’s that time of year. The cozy cool air pushes in, department stores mark up the “pumpkin, cinnamon, cider, latte, hazelnut, pine needle, harvest” candles, and we as human beings enjoy being inside cuddled up on our couches. With cozy cuddling comes comfort food. My most recent comfort food craze is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but some classics include…Ramon Noodles, pizza, and Macaroni and Cheese.

SO

I want to know, what are your comfort foods???

* I must say this blog comes at a most inopportune time being that I am running in a race this Sunday. Maybe I should start comfort food eating on Monday. CRUNCH. Oh I’m sorry I just couldn’t resist…race shmace.

First facial...and last facial.

INTRO:

So if any of you guys know my most recent hobby, it is my soccer team. (Enter shameless plug: BCSSL and our team is the Macropods). Anyway, this new hobby isn’t really all that new, I have been playing soccer since I could walk. I never joined a club league because my parents wanted me to have a more balanced life. But I play in a league with some random people now, and I love it!


ACTUAL STORY:

In two separate soccer games my poor big toes were trampled. Both big toes, in separate games, turned purple. I am a huge pedicure girl, so you know this is a shot to the heart…or the toe. Both of them were damaged enough that they started to grow out…yes this is getting nasty. I have been walking around just wondering when they would totally fall off.

WELL, today I went to get a facial, which a friend gave me as a gift, so it was my first time to go to this place. My facialist begins to lean me back in the facial chair (Those of you that haven’t had a facial, they tuck your arms in real tight under a blanket) and as she is leaning me back, my left foot just barely taps my right toe and two seconds later I hear what you can imagine, my toe nail falling onto the floor. THERE I WAS, tucked into the facial bed completely immobilized and my big toe nail was lying on the floor. I immediately gasp and my facialist (whom I just met) asked what was wrong. In utter embarrassment I told her what had happened. So the poor lady had to retrieve the toenail!!! It was a little hard to relax after that. The facialist probably thought that the facial creams were burning my face, but really it was just the embarrassment.

My dad can beat up your dad!

To: Big Bear

I've been reading in Matthew lately, it is my favorite gospel. I came across a passage that reminded me of my dad. It’s Matthew 7:7-11. The basic idea of the passage is, “Ask. And it will be given”. As I was reading I immediately thought of the way that my dad has always loved me.

It was about 6 years ago, I had just finished my freshmen year of college and I worked that summer at a camp (Insert my shout out to Texoma Lutheran Camp, RIP). At camp I played around with some of my friend’s guitars and I wanted to learn how to play. So that semester, being that my parents wouldn’t let me work, I asked my dad if I, they, could buy me a guitar. I didn’t really know how to play yet, so my dad said no. I was so upset because my thought was, if I don’t have a guitar, I will never learn how to play to prove myself, therefore I would never be able to get a guitar…oh the tragedy. A little upset about it, I went along my way. However, I think that my dad knows me better than I do. Bound and determined that spring, I suckered somebody into loaning me her guitar for 2 months. It was one of those old Ovation guitars, with a round back and strings as hard as diamonds and as rough as sandpaper. My fingers did not love that thing.

Anyway, to the sacrifice of my roommates at the time, I learned to play the guitar in that two-month period. I practiced all summer and for my birthday, my dad bought me a guitar. It took me almost a year to get that guitar, but I wonder, if my dad had just bought me the guitar when I first asked, would I have actually learned how to play?

My dad always encourages me when I play, even though I’m not that great. But I truly don’t think he sees/hears any fault in my playing. This is the very way that the Lord looks at all of us that are covered by our Savior’s blood. Faultless. What a true reflection of our relationship with God, and the way that He loves us. Thanks Dad!

From: Running Deer

Losing Face

Do you ever feel like you do all of the stupid things that you do in front of the same people. Like at school, when I trip it always seems to be in front of the same colleague. Or how about this…the other day I went to open a door and walk in and I PULLED. Who does that? And of course it was in front of that same colleague. Maybe subconsciously I have decided that it is better to really “lose face” in front of one person and get all of my stupidity out, and then for everybody else, they can just continue to think that I am a completely normal, high functioning member of society.

The Day We Chanted

For some reason I come up with a great deal of my blog topics in church, The Work Laugh, came straight from Sunday morning. I know it’s bad but I always write the topic down and go straight back to paying attention.

Anyway, this whole thought came out of something that we don’t normally do at my church, but last Sunday was a different story. It could be referred to as chanting, repeating, or reading as a whole. Whatever you call it, it involves speaking out loud as a group. This makes my skin crawl. One of the reasons I go to my church is because we don’t chant or repeat as a congregation. (Not really, I chose my church because God called me there and if they want me to chant I will chant).

So why does this bother me so much? I mean I am the annoying girl sitting by herself, singing at the top of her lungs, because I love to sing. But when it comes to repeating as a whole I just can’t do it. BUT STOP! I make my students chant!!! I am a chanting hypocrite!!! I make them say things like. “Of means MULTIPLY” and we don’t line up decimals when we multiply because, and they say, “Math teachers are lazy!”

In conclusion, I promise to stop making my kids chant and if you see me at church during a chant I am probably putting on lip gloss or pretending like I am looking for a friend…and by the way, thanks to the family a couple of weeks ago that asked me if I wanted to sit with them, maybe they are non chanters, and we can start a whole non chanting row, and let it spread. Then one day when they want us to chant nobody will chant!! It’s the overthrow of the chant!!!

The Work Laugh

A dedication before I begin: To all my beloved colleagues, you know I love you guys and really think you are all funny, I just had to parallel my thoughts with a Friends episode. The work laugh can be used in many situations. And you know you have done it too!

I don’t know if anybody remembers the Friends episode where Monica discovers that Chandler has a horribly annoying work laugh and she tries to convince him that he doesn’t need it. But after a terribly awkward situation Monica realizes that it is just better to have a fake work laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Agb8h0fGlVw

In the essence of drawing parallels, my current life situation complements this Friends episode quite nicely. See the problem is, that people make jokes and I don’t think they are funny. When people say something that is not funny, doesn’t make sense, or isn’t relevant I just don’t laugh. It’s not funny, and it doesn’t need my laugh. My thought was that hopefully the absence of laughter would help mold their humor. * I am not saying that my opinion on funny/not funny is the end all. We all know I have told me fair share of bad stories, jokes, and one-liners.

However, my plan has backfired. It turns out that this is a rather pompous attitude and I am just coming off as a stick in the mud; with no sense of humor…go figure. Either that or nobody that I work with is funny. So I talked to a good friend that told me I might just need to get a work laugh. She said her work laugh was…”ha, that’s funny”. So I have been practicing work laughs and I think I have a good one. Here’s how it goes…I do a quick closed mouthed “ha ha” and then calmly move my head back then to the side and then point my finger at the person, and give them the YOU RASCAL look. So my new plan is to test it out and let you guys know how it goes. Let me know if you have a good work laugh that I could try.

Man/Women crushes

Before I get started I must state that this is a joke and nobody in this story actually has a crush on anybody.

So a couple of years ago I was dating a guy that was really into wakeboarding. He had a nice wakeboarding boat and we would go to the lake a lot. One time we met a guy on the dock that had a wakeboard, but no boat and he asked my boyfriend if he could have a quick ride. So we took the guy for a ride. It turns out he was a professional wakeboarded and my boyfriend was completely ecstatic the he was driving him. After the ride was over my boyfriend had forgotten, in my opinion, that I even existed. He must have asked the poor guy about a hundred questions. After the whole event I told my boyfriend that he had a man crush on the guy. My boyfriend didn’t like that, but I couldn’t resist. (Note to self: you probably don’t currently have a boyfriend because of reasons as such).

On a more current note, due to a similar situation, the idea of man crushes came up in a group discussion, and the question was thrown to the girls, “Do any of ya’ll have women crushes?” I immediately informed the group….“phhh NO”. BUT Later that night I was headed to bed and all of a sudden I realized that I have a women crush and I was surprising okay with it!!! Even to the point, where I told my women crush that I had a women crush on her. Oddly enough it was, whoI refer to as, “my math boss”. (Note to self: don’t tell my boss I have a crush on her). It’s a wonder I make it through life…

Funks with a Purpose

I think God has set aside certain days to be funk days. A funk day is a day where you just can’t figure out what’s going on…you are in a funk. If you are at work, you seem to be more of a sideline player. If you are in a social setting you seem to be a wallflower. In a funk day there might be a point of break down or tears looming, and many times you feel just socially awkward.

So what is the purpose of these days? Just recently I had a funk day. It was the first day of a conference for work at a beautiful resort near Austin. I woke up, had my coffee, read my bible and went on what I thought was my merry way. About 30 minutes into the conference I started to realize that I was entering funk mode. The funk went with me through the day. That night two friends/co-workers of mine and I took a float on the lazy river and out it came…”So what was up with my funk today” I said. It was like, I was finally ready to verbalize the funk. We got to talking about it and realized that maybe this funk gave me the opportunity to listen to my colleagues, gain perspective, and develop thoughts. By the end of the river ride my funk had pretty much dissipated and I was able to chalk up my weird day to just being in a funk. BUT my funk had a purpose.

So what’s the purpose of your most recent funk?

Caution: I must warn against on-going funks. Sometimes you might have a two-week period of mild funkness or maybe even as long as a month. If your funk lasts for longer than a month, I might suggest talking it out with someone you trust.

Contentment

I was reading in Philippians the other day and Paul said,

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content.”

I have read this verse for years and never fully understood how that was supposed to look in my life, or why it wasn’t at work in my life. However, I can tell you to the month (November 2007) when this verse really took up residency in my heart. Over the course of about 2 weeks I just became so content with my life. I hadn’t “acquired” the great things I desired to achieve. I was just glad to be where I was. So I wonder how this great understanding came about. I had been reading that verse for years…why now? I think the Lord works in a very specific time. That specific time has purpose in meaning that reveals itself in, yes, its own time as well. So I can only eagerly wait for my next revealed truth, but if I were to have an agenda of such truth it would be from 2 Corinthians 10:5.

80’s Hair Bands

I was always the little sister that wanted to be just like her brother. If my brother knew how to do something, I needed to know how to do that very same thing. The upside: my brother taught me how to climb out of my crib, so I got the “big girl” bed early. The unfortunate side: WWF wrestling and 80’s hair bands. I loved all the hair bands that my brother loved; Guns n’ Roses, Aerosmith, Warrant, Firehouse…to name a few. For wrestling, we had all the gear; wrestling buddies, wrestling action figures, a mini wrestling rink, and of course a state of the art foam championship belt. We even went as far as going to an actual WWF wrestling match at, then, Reunion Arena. Now you might think…wrestling…hair bands, I don’t remember the Edwards’ family being redneck?!? Well we’re not; we just appreciate the finer things in life.

I had the recent opportunity to relive this phase of my life on my latest adventure. It was a fun girls trip to the Woodlands for a Brian Adams concert. Little did we know that we would be listening to the wonderful music of the opening band, Foreigner, an entertaining 80’s hair band. As I walked into the venue, I quickly noticed…Toto we’re not in Kansas anymore…or maybe we were in Kansas and that’s why we were overrun by rockers of all ages, rocking it out. I mean we're talking slashed jeans, hard-core head banging, mullets as far as the eye can see, and SEVERAL middle aged women rocking like they have never rocked before. I just want to say that I appreciate the little opportunities I receive along the way to remind me of the way life was when 80’s hair bands filled the airwaves.

It's Worth It

I think, as of late, I haven’t let the softness in my heart show. I keep these things inside for some reason, and I want to convey my overwhelming feelings of joy. I know where that joy comes from and that is why I am ready to blog about it. So here goes…

I have walked with the Lord since the seventh grade. It just made total since at that point, I knew all I wanted was to please the Lord. As I reflect on this short walk with the Lord, I can remember times that I have been a little rough around the edges and times where I seem to walk in harmony. It seems that I have made things more difficult than necessary, but with love I have learned countless lessons.

Back to the walk…as a junior higher and into high school, I had a strong group of 4 girlfriends. During these years the only things that mattered to me were these 3 girls and the Lord. While it seems a bit selfish, I can only assert that at this point in life selfishness is inevitable, so why not spend it with a group of girls that didn’t require I make a choice I would utterly regret. I also credit that blessing to the consistent wise choices of my parents.

Into college, things were a bit tough for about a year and a half. I am not going to go into OU now, maybe in another blog. I will just say it was hard. At the end of that huge trial, I saw and understood for the first time, God moving in my life. He opened a way to my next phase. He also blessed me with many great years to finish out college. While I would probably say I went through several different trials in college, they have all yielded, in their time, fruit.

Like I said, things haven’t always been easy, but if I hadn’t done these last 13 years with the Lord...I have no words to finish that statement. I just must say it’s worth it. I am so in love with God and the peace, patience, joy, love, self-control, goodness, kindness, and gentleness that are His, are my fruit for life.

When I think about the blessings I have in this life, I just stop in amazement. So here they are, my Lord loves me, my mother, father and brother love me, and countless friends love me. Some people only wish for one friend that is as amazing as the people I have met and continue to meet in my life. I have learned everyday of the last 13 years what it means to walk with the Lord, and it’s worth it.

One day at a time, with You loving me. I am blessed.


“It’s worth it brothers, it’s worth it friends, to know your Maker, to lose your sin. Do you know that you are dearly loved?” -JN

Push-pops

Today, on my way home from work, I pulled up next to two men in a truck. I would say they were about 30 and they were just going to town on 2 bright orange, old school, Flinstone push-pops! I tried to get their attention and present them with two thumbs up for coolness, but they just did not care. So to the the push-pop men...just go on in all of your ice cream glory. You deserve it!!

Just Smile and Nod

I feel compelled to let you guys in on a secret.

So I have wanted to blog for a long time, but there has always been one thing standing in my way. I CAN'T SPELL. There I said it...I can't spell. Maybe now that I have said it, I am committing myself to further inadequacies, but I also think it necessary to discuss the elephant in the room. I do not want to be that person that isn't aware...so know that I am aware!

Along with many other things (the fro I sported, to name one), this problem has plagued me even in my childhood. My parents made me come home after school and write my words 3 times each every day before the test. That's 10 words a list, 3 times each, times 4 days a week!! 120 words and I still, at best, brought home B's (and I don't mean spelling bee's). Not to mention the dreaded spelling bee day! Most of the kids prayed for an easy word on that day, but I prayed for a hard word. At least I might go down in a BLAZE of glory.

In all my frustration I have resorted to making up my own words. Exhibit A: Congraduation, the mixing of the words congratulations and graduation.

I'm just kidding, I don't really say that. But really, in conclusion if you catch a mispelled word here and there, just smile and nod.

I dedicate this blog to word processing and the wonder of spell check!

One Sweet Day At A Time

I actually had this huge discovery last March, and sometimes when I have an epiphany like this I wonder if that is just what everybody else has been doing along and I am just now cluing in. Let's hope not!

It was over spring break. I think I slept for about 3 days straight. I woke up and realized that in my slumbering state I had discovered a new way to process life. So let's start with the "used to". I used to view life 4 years and a day at a time. I would think about the past 2 years and I would imagine the next 2 years, and if I had time I would actually think about the day I was living in. That is a lot of baggage for one person to carry in a day. So I started to think, we all know I can't change the past, and the future is unpredictable.

So I stopped.

I decided to actually think about one day at a time. For example, today I am waking up, going to work, going to the gym, having dinner with a friend and going to bed. I couldn't ask for a better day. I love my job, I love my friends, and I love going to bed. Some days I might not even know that much, but I know at the end of the day I will have trusted God through that one day that He gave me. And that is all that matters.

From 1-10

A girlfriend of mine went on a first date the other day. When she came home, we sat around drinking wine and asking her about every detail of the evening. We asked on a scale from 1 to 10 how was the conversation, on a scale from 1 to 10 how was the food, on a scale from 1 to 10 how was the fabric on the chairs at the restaurant next to the one that you guys had ice cream at...ridiculous really! The final "1 to 10" was on a scale from 1 to 1o, did it meet your expectations? THIS one stuck in my head.

EXPECTATIONS: Have I, a member of the emotional gender, discovered a way to control my feelings? Think about it, if I wake up in the morning and think...the man of my dreams will call me today, what kind of control do I have? ZERO! But if I wake up and think, today I will finish my research proposal for grad school. Can I control that? Absolutely!!

So maybe everyday I need to be more intentional on setting expectations. And maybe in my relationships I need to be better at first listening to other's expectations and second communicating my own expectations.

Test Blog: Running Old Men

So there I was in my new 3 ½ inch heels and my new extremely flowy dress on my way to church one windy Sunday morning. When about 3 cars ahead of me I saw a Jeep broken down, one girl in the car steering and one girl pushing the Jeep to safety out of the intersection. The girls are not having much luck so I know that somebody needs to help them! Really was that feasible for ME??? All of a sudden two old men come flying out of their trucks and racing to the aide of the two girls. Little did those two running old men know that at that moment they didn’t just save those two girls, they saved me and every other helpless driver and passenger trapped in that intersection on that windy Sunday morning. So I applaud you running old men, job well done, job well done!